Life has offered me challenges that have led me to analyse thoroughly the way I was dealing with life.
First, my way of building relationships with people and managing my emotions. Before, I would shut off my emotions. It was so much simpler! The only problem with such a way of dealing with emotions was that by shutting off any emotion, I couldn’t empathise with other people.
As a result, I had only superficial relationships. When I have opened to my feelings, I have understood that I cut myself out of what is undoubtedly both the most human and the most beautiful thing: our fragility. So, yes, it wasn’t easy. I had to experience pain, the one which sears through people. Therapists commonly call it the third suffering.
The suffering which makes us go to the depths of the feeling of our emotions.
Why do we call it the third suffering?
- Because the first suffering is the one that comes with the shock. The second one, the one which separates us from our beloved, or simply what no longer exists. And the third one? It’s the one we can relive with a therapist.
- Experiencing it has simply allowed me to live the pain, and not to bury it so as to better overcome it. Too often we do not allow us to live sadness because we must be strong, we mustn’t show emotions, but at what price? All emotions we don’t express remain with us and pollute us everyday without even being noticed.
With hindsight, I can say today that this third suffering is a feeling of rebirth, beatitude and harmony with human beings.
Boris Cyrulnik underlines in his book, entitled Un Merveilleux Malheur (a Wonderful Misfortune) that “when a grain of sand enters into a oyster and assaults it to such an extend that, to defend itself, it has to secrete round-shaped mother-of-pearl, this defensive reaction which gives a hard, glistering and precious jewel”.
Today this pearl is my strength. It allows me to accompany you in developing your relationships and your empathy. I help you to welcome and to understand your emotions, without replacing your therapist.